yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
