how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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