i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
