The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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