I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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