I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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