She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
