Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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