Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
