my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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