His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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