I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
