Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
