All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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