i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
