I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
