so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
