It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
