i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
