He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
