There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
