Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
