Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
