Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
