first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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