i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
