Redeem this text for a blowjob
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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