i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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