She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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