My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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