I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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