I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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