What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
