it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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