Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sarcasm needs its own font
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
