the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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