He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
