OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
