she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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