He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
