This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
