All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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