this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
