apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
