I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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