watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love you. Go after that dick
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