i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
