she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
