Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
