he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
