How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
