My cat gives me a boner
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
