you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
