i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My bed smells like the plague
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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