ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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