I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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