Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
