my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
