Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
