today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
