I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
