To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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