is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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