What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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