After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
