i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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