my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just crazy horny about you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
