I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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