i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
