guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My life is pants optional.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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