i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
