I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Randomize
