I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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