he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
